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I've been questioning my values and expectations a lot recently. Spending so long at the pub, not seeing my son awake except for the occasional 5 minutes if he's awake before I leave in the morning, and the only time I see my better half at the moment is at work. I haven't done any improvements to the home - the new floor for the bathroom is just sitting there, staring at me every time I walk past the bathroom - and I can't remember the last time I got home and cooked a proper meal for myself.

Even at the pub, standards have slipped a little. I haven't scrubbed the cellar in over a week, and the Butty Bach is flat as a pancake at the minute. Tastes fine, pours well with a sparkler, but poor head retention and dull on the palate. I called it off a couple of times. I've checked the glasses, the washer, the lines - all I can think is I'm not giving it the care it needs in the cellar, and that beer is going on a little green. Recent reviews on the two websites I try hard not to look at regularly - one for beer and one for accommodation - have picked up on the little things not being done which in turn slightly tarnishes the upmarket offer we're trying to, well, offer.

At lunch, the first table for Sunday roast complained when the waitress cleared the table, saying that the food was flavourless, cold and over-priced. I asked Mum to speak to them, find out why they were so unhappy when most of their meal had been eaten, they were happy half way through their meal when service-checked and everyone else who had the same meal was more than happy. They'd left - when the older staff had taken their order, service checked them and everything else they were fine. When the waitress who works a few hours at the weekend and when on holiday from school clears their table, they let rip, tell her that they don't want a refund and then leave before an older member of staff can make amends. Gets my goat a little to say the least.

So after lunch service we spoke to the two guests we had and agreed to close the kitchen for the evening. I came home to see my son and actually play with him for a couple of hours before bed - he's forming sentences now and his rugby tackling is impressive for a two year old!

Tomorrow will see me spend the morning down in the cellar, working hard and reminding myself why I love this trade. The cellar is the place I go when I need to clear my head a little. I can't take out frustrations by hammering the bungs home in the empty firks. I can plug my headphones in and spend an hour scrubbing the walls and floor down. Now I've worked out how to use it, I can think out loud with my Blackberry set to record, and see what I come up with that might work. And I can give the Butty Bach the TLC it needs!

This leads on to the title of the post. Why do it? I'm can be stubborn at the best of times, when I really want something. And I've got a vision for the pub. Thankfully it's in line with the vision my parents have - a range of good beer in good nick, including a couple brewed myself, alongside a wide selection of malts, wines by the glass and ciders/continental lagers/other drinks. 2 menus - simple meals served in the bar with fancier food for those that want it in the restaurant. Fully refurbished rooms, a landscaped garden with barbeque and petanque, the brewery up and running and all the staff fully trained and self motivated.