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Just what you've been waiting for - a hardback version of Mild! plus. My thingy. Papery thing. Book, that's it. My book about lovely Mild Ale.

Weird thing is, I drank Mild as a young man, when it was seen as an old man's drink. What does it mean when I drink it now as an old man? Am I ironically fashionable, or doubly out of date?

Yes I do, even in Amsterdam, regularly drink Dark Mild. Marks & Spencer's Lancashire Dark Mild*. Quite nice on a Saturday afternoon, if never a replacement for Tetley's in my heart. If someone could come up with a clone for Tetley's Mild they'd have my custom for life.

I've decided I'm only buying hardback editions of my books from now on. They impress visitors much more than paperbacks. And they're useful for threatening the kids. Should there ever be a catastrophic brick shortage, they'll also make do as building material.

I'd tell you about the book, but there's only so many ways I can exaggerate its mildy goodness. You've heard it all before. Take a look at the preview if you've been asleep at the back of the class.

* If anyione from Marks is reading this, a case of Lancashire Dark Mild, delivered to my home address will get the beer a few more favourable mentions here.