"Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer."
-W.C.Fields
A tongue-in-cheek post taken from The White Swan in Aylesbury's Facebook page:
"Later today we will reveal our new 'Covid Fighting Substantial Meal Menus', but wish to apologise in advance for our dreadfully slow service during the course of your meal.
We appreciate slow service can be an annoying thing, but would remind all customers that these are trying times and the bar is open for drinks while you wait (served at your table of course to ensure that pesky Covid can't get you because you are sat down).
Thank you in advance for understanding, as our single member of staff in the kitchen might take up to 2/3 hours to complete your orders.
Please note: due to our staff's inability to handle more than one order at a time, if you come at busy periods, such as weekends, your wait may be even longer "
The menu includes 'Yoghurt of the Day' as a dessert...
"Breakneck speed we drown ten pints of bitter"
This bloke has no chance of getting ill.
Go scotch https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-55129828
"Do I know where hell is? hell is in hello"
Completely. In smart restaurants, some people want an aperitif before ordering and in smart pubs, food can take an hour to arrive and service will be even slower if everyone has to order food, so I would expect customers to want a drink before their grub arrives. Then they can make for the door and the next pub.
Yup. All pubs need do is buy a sandwich toaster for a cheep cheese toastie to keep drinkers happy. The police have said they don't know how to police this. If they see a person without food, they'll look a bit foolish if the response is that they've eaten their substantial meal at lunchtime and have now settled in for an all-day bender.