Pub annoyances #834

[london calling]

The Express at Kew Bridge used to fill a half pint dimple mug then pour it into a pint glass and when you topped it up with the bottle it wasn't a full pint.This pissed off the light and bitter brigade no end.

Do you remember it when the 2 old ladies had it.Quaint rules and regulations.When you ordered crisps the packet was open for you and the crisps put on a plate.No sleeveless tops for men you were asked to leave.No shorts of any kid for men either.I once saw a about 4 guys who had cycled miles just for a pint of Bass being told to leave the pub.They turned to us locals and pleaded for us to get the decision reversed as wearing smart shorts was usual for cyclist but to no avail.We used to call it the Funeral Parlour it was so quiet.Happy days.

[NickDavies]

Do you remember it when the 2 old ladies had it.Quaint rules and regulations.When you ordered crisps the packet was open for you and the crisps put on a plate.No sleeveless tops for men you were asked to leave.No shorts of any kid for men either.I once saw a about 4 guys who had cycled miles just for a pint of Bass being told to leave the pub.They turned to us locals and pleaded for us to get the decision reversed as wearing smart shorts was usual for cyclist but to no avail.We used to call it the Funeral Parlour it was so quiet.Happy days.

I lived across the road for a few months, must be 35 years ago now. As well as the two ladies there was the old man Aldington himself, who always wore a regimental blazer and a younger guy who I guess must have been a son of one of them. John Bonser says it's still in the Aldington family today. We were a bunch of twenty year old lads sharing a flat. We liked our beer and it was a cracking area for pubs, what with Strand on the Green and then Kew Green over the bridge as well as that little corner. But we always treated the Express Hotel as the 'local'.

[london calling]

I lived across the road for a few months, must be 35 years ago now. As well as the two ladies there was the old man Aldington himself, who always wore a regimental blazer and a younger guy who I guess must have been a son of one of them. John Bonser says it's still in the Aldington family today. We were a bunch of twenty year old lads sharing a flat. We liked our beer and it was a cracking area for pubs, what with Strand on the Green and then Kew Green over the bridge as well as that little corner. But we always treated the Express Hotel as the 'local'.

I move here 37 years ago and vaguely remember old man Aldington.That pratt was his son in law Tim (nice but dim).They do indeed still own it.Four pubs on the junction of Kew Bridge now one.

[NickDavies]

#891a Chips served in tin mugs. Observed here. Fuller's should know better.

[rpadam]

#891a Chips served in tin mugs. Observed here. Fuller's should know better.

Fair point; but, given how horrible the old Market Hotel was before the Fullers purchase, I'll just about forgive the chips in tin mugs...

[Maldenman]

Bar staff commence serving you then another member of staff comes over and asks the server a question. The server then stops serving half way through while he resolves his colleague's query.

[NickDavies]

Bar staff commence serving you then another member of staff comes over and asks the server a question. The server then stops serving half way through while he resolves his colleague's query.

They can do worse than that. Get so distracted they completely forget you and go and serve someone else leaving you in limbo. Then you are at the back of the queue and if it's a Wetherspoons on a bad day (or a bad Wetherspoons on a normal day) that's another 15 minutes of your life gone.

[Rex_Rattus]

PUB ANNOYANCES INDEX

#1 No mild available. (Post #12)
#1a No real ale. (#36)
#1b John Smith’s (or some other totally unsuitable alternative) offered as a substitute for mild. (#92&417)
#1c Beer you've never had before served in rubbish condition. (#353)
#2 Customers who don’t wash their hands after using the gents, leaving the next bloke to leave to use the wet doorhandle. (#12)
#3 Decorative twigs. (#12)
#4 Pubs smelling of old cigarettes.(#282)
#5 Leaving chewing gum in inappropriate places. (#128)
#6a "Nicotine bouncers" i.e. smokers obstructing doorways.(#117&282)
#6b As #6a but nicotine bouncers' sub audible comments following you in pub.(#282)
#6c As 6a but where nicotine bouncers allow smoke to get in pub.(#284)
#7 Pub garden or doorway polluted with cigarette butts. (#379)
#16 Using pubs to conduct job interviews. (#460)
#19 Pubs playing music with music video on TV showing a different song. (#438)
#20 Fruit machines without the sound disabled. (#27)
#22 Jukeboxes that don't get round to playing your songs because of long music queue.(#283)
#23 Digital jukeboxes that don't have as many song as claimed.(#282)
#24 Jukebox and/or TV on too loud. (#282&117)
#24a People who complain that the music's too loud when it isn't. (#354)
#25 TVs and jukeboxes competing for sound. (#36)
#28 Piped commercial radio. (#143)
#29 Music playing out of speakers in the garden. (#415)
#30 TVs showing the same match, but one with a time delay. (#257&258)
#31 Having to check TVs in several bars to find out where sporting events are being screened.(#280)
#41 Free bar snacks (typically peanuts) hogged by some greedy git. (#31)
#42 Usual traditional snacks unavailable – just overpriced poncy stuff. (#53)
#74 Bar blockers in general. (#1&36)
#94 Bar blockers sitting on stools. (#25&134)
#95 Bar blockers obscuring clips on handpumps. (#26)
#96 Stupid old sod who won’t be told! (#3)
#99 Punters who insist on congregating in a choke point. (#42)
#100 Customers with luggage who dump it in the most inconvenient place (typically in front of Gents door) (#323)
#101 loads of bits of paper in clipboard instead of proper menu (#338).
#110 Queue jumping. (#5)
#111 Queue jumping regular. (#70)
#112 People who think they're in a Post Office queuing perpendicularly to the bar thus confusing usual pubgoing folk. (#379)
#115 Friends Of Guv’nor (FOGs) getting preferential treatment. (#29)
#120 Bar pests in general. (#237,238&241)
#122 Enjoying quiet drink when pub is invaded by notebook wielding beer and pub enthusiasts! (#183)
#124 Enjoying quiet drink when pub is invaded by football team. (#186)
#125 Drunken visiting football supporters in your pub. (#98)
#125a Boorish football supporters take over a pub but only buy one drink.(#309)
#126 Enjoying quiet drink when person/people you would rather not sit with come and join you. (#185)
#128 Unsolicited running commentary on football match. (#40)
#130 Unsolicited negative opinion on ale/food choice after you’ve ordered. (#40
#131 People who accuse you of drinking too much - e.g. if you're only on your fifth pint. (#379)
#132 Ignorant and obnoxious foreigners (beer too warm etc). (#6&9)
#134 Customers carrying on a conversation by text, oblivious to all around them. (#24)
#136 Customers who use loos without buying a drink, and who do not ask permission first. (#30)
#137 Out of control buffoon going unchallenged by management. (#354)
#138 Swearing by regulars going unchallenged by management. (#54)
#139 When one or more locals look at you askance and view you with suspicion.(#289&290)
#140 Cheapskates who watch football without buying a drink. (#55)
#142 John Smith drinker who criticises the taste of real ale. (#56&57
#151 Falling over on your way into the pub! (#192)
#152 Falling over on your way out of the pub! (#198)
#153 Falling over in a pub.(#288)
#206 Change given to you on a little tray. (#450)
#207 Giving an unwanted till receipt. (#72)
#207a When it’s hard to get a till receipt when it is wanted. (#72)
#218 Paddy’s Day. (#101)
#228 In warm pub and band wedge door open to move their gear into the pub. (#171)
#230 Tables reserved for musicians on open mike nights. (#264)
#231 Tables reserved for people not eating. (#265)
#232 Reserved tables not taken up, or only taken up hours later. (#354)
#240 Own friends arrive and want to sit at table other than the one at which you've made yourself comfortable. (#354)
#241 Someone who refuses to accompany you to a pub because it served him a bad pint years ago. (#354)
#250 Office types using laptops, just drinking a coffee and taking up too much room.(#293)
#251a Bunch of #250 types all paying separately by credit card.(#298)
#252 You sit at an unoccupied table only for someone to announce “we’re sitting there”. (#3)
#252a Seats reserved for non-existent friends who don't turn up. (#354)
#253 Shut pubs that look open. (#30)
#254 Open pubs that look shut.(#288)
#255 Pubs that close early with little or no justification. (#379)
#259 Metal chairs outside - too hot in summer; too cold in winter. (#451&452)
#260 Pubs with outside seating but inwards facing doors. (#456)
#262 Outside tables with bench attached each side, increasing beer spillage risk. (#149)
#263 Wonky tables when eating in pub. (#93)
#264 New “made-to-look-old” furniture. (#181)
#265 Tall tables and stools. (#133,135&156)
#266 Sofas. (#139)
#267 Bean bags. (#141)
#269 Tea lights on tables, creating newspaper ignition risk. (#151)
#270 Tea lights needlessly lit in broad daylight. (#153)
#271 Sticky tables. (#117)
#272 Uncontrolled children. (#36&231)
#273 Landlord's children playing in the pub during opening hours.(#288)
#276 People who let their kids sit on the bar counter. (#160)
#315 Pushchairs getting in the way. (#1)
#317 Napkins served on plates underneath the sandwich. (#37)
#318 Cutlery wrapped in napkins sealed with something other than water.(#317)
#325 Noisy eaters. (#457)
#326 Diners using fork as a shovel. (#458)
#338 (Wrong shade of) lipstick on your glass. (#95)
#340 Unhygienic loose snacks on the bar counter. (#15)
#341 Barmaid sneezing into hand and playing with her hair. (#211)
#342 Manager fussing over visiting dogs while serving. (#214)
#343 Pub dog or cat begging for food. (#379)
#344 Dogs on seats in pubs. (#217)
#345 People who moan about children, but allow pets to behave inappropriately. (#379)
#346 Dogs’ unhygienic activities in general. (#227)
#348 Cats in pubs going where they shouldn’t. (#230)
#350 Inadequate toilet facilities – no hot water, no soap, no loo paper, no lock on cubicle door. (#15,206&117)
#352 Insufficient basins and hand dryers. (#204)
#354 Out of order hand dryers. (#205)
#356 No toilet paper – unnoticed until it’s too late! (#207)
#356a Toilet paper fixed the wrong way round.(#322)
#357 Toilets that stink to high heaven.(#282)
#358 As for #357, but where the window can't be opened.(#282)
#370 Toilets a long way from bar, up or down loads of stairs. (#267)
#375 Urinals at the wrong height. (#445)
#421 Reluctance to provide the drinking vessel of the customer’s choice. (#181)
#423 Large round of Guinness ordered, but inept bar staff take an age to pour it. (#449)
#425 Real ale in inappropriate (e.g. Carling, John Smith) glasses. (#90)
#426 Strong beer only sold in halves.(#280)
#430 Clips not reversed when beer is not available. (#50)
#433 Pubs with no trays to carry beer out on. (#450)
#434 Pump clips that offer no clue as to beer style. (#243)
#435 "Available soon" on pump clips.(#281)
#436 Walls adorned with pumpclips of interesting ales, but only ordinary beers available. (#351)
#440 Pubs that run out of keg beer then sell warm cans at extortionate prices.(#318)
#470 Bar with unspoilt Victorian interior unused, in favour of bland modern lounge. (#389)
#519 Wedding party taking over a pub. (#126)
#520 Funeral party taking over a pub.(#313)
#541 Cold callers on mobile ‘phones. (#107)
#622 Ordering same meal as your mate, but which comes up half the size (followed by #633). (#417)
#624 Ordering a meal then wishing you had ordered what people on another table have got. (#418)
#633 Staff who check too often that you're happy with the food. (#354)
#634 Being invisible to bar staff. (#1)
#635 Bar staff serving you who allow themselves to be distracted by colleagues. (#486&487)
#635a Staff answering the 'phone while serving you, leaving you in limbo. (#491)
#636 Staff disturbing you to lay tables for evening diners. (#154)
#640 Bar staff giving higher priority to fetching kid's crayons etc, instead of serving drinks.
#646 Bar staff unable to pour Guinness - especially when a large round. (#449)
#647 Barman pressing for a decision while options over 10 pumps being considered. (#242)
#648 Sexism – tell a lady that that is how a beer is supposed to taste, but change it for a bloke who complains. (#117)
#649 Castigated by angry bar staff for breaking a house rule you didn't know about. (#337)
#650 Ill Mannered staff. (#36)
#651 Ill Mannered staff – curt and premature “anything else?” (#45)
#652 “Nobody would complain where I come from” response to complaint. (#155)
#654 “Are you all right there?” instead of “can I serve you sir?” (#271)
#655 Inappropriate use of "can I get" instead of more accurate and polite "may I have".(#291)
#656 Gross misuse of unresolved conditional clause. (#270)
#657 People who leave their glass on the table even though they pass the bar to exit. (#379)
#658 The quarter of a pint left on table all afternoon by someone committing #657, because the staff don't want to do #659. (#379)
#659 Staff who attempt (and sometimes succeed) to remove glasses with drink still in them! (#354)
#660 Off duty staff behind the bar getting in the way. (#253
#661 Staff inappropriately occupied with hissing coffee machine instead of pulling my pint. (#277)
#662 Staffing banging out coffee filters like it's Starbucks.(#288)
#663 Voucher for free pint offer, that only succeeds in confusing bar staff. (#354)
#665 TVs showing sport with aspect ratio incorrectly set.(#282)
#666 Individual TV screens showing football at every table. (#252)
#680 Dartboard related annoyances. (#429 etc)
#681 Pool table related annoyances. (#429 etc)
#713 Mother’s Day. (#101)
#777a The curse of the Sunday roast - no tables available for drinkers. (#276)
#777b The curse of the Sunday roast - roasts only; can't manage a sandwich. (#276)
#800 Sally Army rattling tins in pubs. (#83)
#801 Annoying people selling roses for charity. (#278)
#802 People hawking knock off or pirated DVDs. (#278)
#805 British English speakers asking for chips when they mean crisps. (#331)
#806 Aggravating US usage on pub menus.
#810 Elderly drinkers wearing inappropriate accessories (baseball caps, sunglasses).(#299)
#811 Punter who won't take off baseball cap in a pub.(#305)
#823 Drab and awful staff uniforms. (#249)
#824 Being served by barmaid/landlady still in pyjamas/dressing gown. (#374)
#834 Putting coats on seats at an unoccupied table, while having no intention of sitting there, just engaging in PA #74. (#1&11)
#838 When best beer bars are taken over by non beer drinkers.(#280)
#850 Drinkers who put unwanted drink embellishments (ice, lemon) in ashtrays (pre-2007 mainly). (#86)
#856 People paying by card, holding up everyone else. (#267)
#859 Inability to watch football and get real ale in the same pub. (#170)
#860 Chairs placed for convenience of those watching football and restricting access to the bar. (#178)
#865 Drive to pub to find all beer in excess of 4.5% when low ABV beer is needed. (#191)
#867 Pubs that advertise a "secret" garden, which is in fact just a garden. (#380)
#869 Pubs that advertise Christmas as early as August or September. (#413)
#870 Boxing Day opening hours. (#234)
#871 Going out of way to visit pub with limited opening ours only to find it's till not open.(#288)
#872 As #871 but when said pub doesn't display its opening times.
#873 Pub websites that don't give the opening times.(#294)
#873a Pub websites that give incorrect opening times.(#295)
#874 Beer festival advertised, but only one extra beer made available. (#354)
#875 Pubs that advertise “traditional ale” but don’t sell any. (#64)
#876 Staff wearing T shirts extolling pub's real ales when they don't sell any.(#289)
#877 Menus on display when they aren’t doing food. (#234)
#878 Food advertised as "made/cooked to order", but which comes any old which way.(#321)
#879 Outdated advertisements on the exterior for something (e.g. ale, pool table) that is no longer available. (#379)
#880 Grated cheese in sandwiches.(#314)
#881 Baguettes cut and filled along the top.(#314)
#882 Unwanted and unwarranted vinaigrette on salad.(#317)
#883 Burger that comes on focaccia/ciabatta instead of regular bun.(#317)
#884 Given choice of rare/medium/well done steaks but of course only scorched steaks are really available.(#317)
#885 Losing place in food queue by having to go back and find table number.(#317)
#885a As #885, but on arrival food orders are shouted with no reference to table numbers.(#317)
#886 Food brought to you, but you then have to search the pub for cutlery/condiments. (#354)
#888 Kitchen door left open, allowing unwanted odours and noise into the bar area.
#890 Food served on inappropriate objects (e.g. blocks of wood, slabs of slate) (#330 et al).
#891 Chips served in little metal buckets. (#350)
#892 Unhygenic use of communal jars of condiments/sauces. (#357 et al)
#893 Sachets of condiments/sauces that are difficult to open. (#354)
#895 Overpriced loose snacks from jars. (#162)
#896 Hairy pork scratchings.(#317)
#897 Portion of pistacchios that have one really dodgy one.(#317)
#898 Pubs that call chips "fries". (#376)
#899 Pubs that call crisps "chips". (#377)
#900 Excess gravy. (#391)
#901 Mayonnaise on burgers. (#391)
#902 "Crushed" potatoes, instead of mashed potatoes. (#383)
#910 Weak tea. (#420)
#926 Bands warming up who show they are clearly rubbish before they even start playing. (#266)
#999 Refurbs that completely ruin a place.(#280)
#1000 Favourite pub turned into a block of flats (included for completeness, but this goes way beyond an annoyance). (#247)
#1007 Bar staff asking whether you want extras (typically crisps) that you have not asked for. (#46)

[Maldenman]

I didn't click on reply with quote.......

#900, I still insist there is no such thing as "excess gravy", only if at expense of the meat or sausages as a cover up, go to a gastro pub where they will have "jus".

[Rex_Rattus]

I didn't click on reply with quote.......

#900, I still insist there is no such thing as "excess gravy", only if at expense of the meat or sausages as a cover up, go to a gastro pub where they will have "jus".

Do you want a #900a " People who complain about excess gravy when obviously there's no such thing"?