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Thread: The Buffalo Theory and Beer.

  1. #21
    Former Pubs Galore Coder
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    Revive the joke thread to post this image which sadly amused me:
    Click image for larger version. 

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    Stolen from Graham Linehan postings

  2. #22
    Roving RAT ROBCamra's Avatar
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    Rob Green trained for 3 hours yesterday, had 4000 shots fired at him and didn't concede a single goal.

    Tomorrow him and Heskey are going to train with the rest of the squad.
    A pub is for life not just for Christmas

  3. #23
    This Space For Hire aleandhearty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Conrad View Post
    Revive the joke thread to post this image which sadly amused me:
    Click image for larger version. 

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    Stolen from Graham Linehan postings
    I suspect the editor might have had 'a long lunch' that day. Priceless!
    'And where he supped the past lived still. And where he sipped the glass brimmed full' John Barleycorn, Carol Ann Duffy.

  4. #24
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    Click image for larger version. 

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  5. #25
    I'll stay on me own Alesonly's Avatar
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    Default Friday Funny

    A kid comes home from school and says to his mum, "Mum I've got a problem."
    She says "Tell me." He tells her that the boys at school are using 2 words he doesn't understand. She asks him what they are.
    He says "well, pussy and bitch".
    She says "Oh That's no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy."
    He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement. He says to his dad, "Dad the boys at school are using words I don't know, and I asked mum and I don't think she told me the exact meaning.
    Dad says "Son, I told you never to go to mum with these matters, she cant handle them. What are the words?"
    He tells him...pussy and bitch.
    Dad says "OK" and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a marker and circles the pubic area of the centrefold and says, "son, everything inside this circle, is pussy."
    "OK dad, so what's a bitch?"
    "Son" he says, "everything outside that circle" Is bitch.
    Don't You just hate Pubs that say
    ( We don't stock any Real Ales as theres Just no call for it.)

  6. #26
    Humble Wordsmith ETA's Avatar
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    How things change - in the middle ages people felt safer when there was a Moat running around their village.

  7. #27
    Pussy Galore No 1 Oggwyn Trench's Avatar
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    The English FA have announced there new sponsers
    Total
    FCUK
    UPS
    Theres a Man with a Mullet going Mad with a Mallet in Millets !

  8. #28
    Roving RAT ROBCamra's Avatar
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    Just finished reading a book by Danny King called Blue Collar which made me laugh out loud several times.

    It's about a brickie who meets up with a posh girl.

    He's telling his mates about the first dinner party he goes to with her.

    He says "There was an actress there, she's appeared in a few sitcoms and adverts etc"

    His mate says "All them actresses have to suck off the producer and the casting director to get the part".

    Another guy pipes up "I bet the producer of Last Of The Summer Wine is f*ckin' devastated!"

    Brilliant! Well I thought so, anyway.
    A pub is for life not just for Christmas

  9. #29
    Roving RAT ROBCamra's Avatar
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    Thing that are impossible to say when you're drunk.

    a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
    b) Nope, no more booze for me.
    c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
    d) No kebab for me, thank you.
    e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
    f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
    g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
    h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, as I have zero co-ordination.
    i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to pee in the street.
    j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.
    k) Nudie run? Not for me thanks.
    A pub is for life not just for Christmas

  10. #30
    Roving RAT ROBCamra's Avatar
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    Beer Scooters - This explains a few things

    How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night
    drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot
    piece together your return journey from the pub to your house. The answer
    to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter.

    The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the
    drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch
    of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the following
    fashion:-

    The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring
    gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
    sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer
    Scooter.

    The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via
    a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of
    the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the
    second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?'

    Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to
    be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries).

    An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time
    segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates
    that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.

    This answers a third question after a night out 'What the hell happened?'

    With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing
    Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order,
    those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT is
    not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained in
    discussions over a period of time.

    Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the
    scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to
    the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences. With recent models
    including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain
    specializing in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts.

    Another question answered!!

    For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from
    other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots
    are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the
    stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity
    springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS
    (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.

    The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the TAS
    (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently
    get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.

    PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get
    home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.
    A pub is for life not just for Christmas

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