Originally Posted by
oldboots
Oh dear did you really want to start that, try this lot (apologies for the low quality of some)
I went to the chemist and asked "What gets rid of the Corona virus?"
The chemist said "Ammonia cleaner"
I said "I'm sorry, I thought you worked here"
This morning at the Post Office, while I was in the line, two people wearing masks came in.
TOTAL PANIC!
Then they said "This is a robbery" and we all calmed down.
Due to the potential problems caused by panic buying,
some supermarkets have imposed limits until further notice.
Asda:- 2 hand sanitisers and a 4 pack of toilet roll
Tesco:- 1 hand sanitiser, 500g of rice and a 4 pack of toilet roll
Aldi:- 1 pink sports bra, 1 MIG welder and 1 spare wheel for a barrow
When I was younger, the only time we started panic buying, was when the landlord shouted "last orders"
I saw a woman using half a bra as a makeshift face mask, nice to see some people are keeping abreast of the situation.
I used to cough to disguise my farts - now I fart to disguise my coughs.
There's a rumour going around that President Trump excluded Europeans because he thinks germs come from Germany!
Apparently Germans have been panic buying sausage and cheese... it’s the wurst käse scenario.
Just been to Tesco. I asked a checkout operator if there was any toilet paper, and was told no. That walk back to the toilets with my trousers and pants round my ankles is something I never want to do again.
If this is how the public react to the Covid-19 virus, it's no surprise that the government wouldn't tell us about aliens.
I went into my supermarket yesterday and saw one chap with his trolley filled to the brim with mini pork pies, bite sized sausages, cherry tomatoes, paper plates and plastic cutlery.
I realized he must have been picnic buying.
Nail salons closed, tanning salons closed, hair salons closed, waxing salons closed....
it's going to get ugly out there!
The World Health Organisation has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.
To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
If you receive an email with the subject “ding dong” dont open it, they're Jehovahs Witnesses working from home.
A plane has 5 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, The Pope and a 10 year old schoolboy. The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes.
Trump says “I need one, I’m the smartest man in the USA and I’m needed to sort out the problems of the world”. He grabs one and jumps.
Boris says “I’m needed to sort out Britain”, he grabs one and jumps.
The Pope says “The Catholic Church needs me”, he grabs one and jumps.
Angela says to the 10 year old “You have the last parachute. I’ve lived my life, you’re only just starting”.
The 10 year old replies “Don’t worry there are two parachutes left. The smartest man in the USA took my school bag”.
I cannot understand why Timpsons have closed for business when we need all the key workers we can get!