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I once took my niece to the pub.
She was either 1 or 2 years of age. I oftenlooked after her on Saturdays and on one of our weekly walks, for the firsttime, I stopped by the local pub, mainly because my friend was there with hisdaughter of similar age.
The two kids got on well together and it was alovely couple of hours; a perfect showcase of adult friends and their childrenexisting in public houses.
But my sister was furious. She didn’t rant orrave but her lips were purser than a 90s children’s show teacher. It was herethat I learned of the effect that our childhood had had upon her. She recallsmany an afternoon being bored in the corner of pubs that our Dad had dragged usto, arms folded in the corner with nothing to do, and she doesn’t want the samefor her children. The idea of her first born being taken to pubs infuriatesher; fearful that they would be subjected to the same unhappy experiences thatshe was.
I don’t recall those times in the same way asmy sister. I remember that we were in pubs frequently but can only think of thefun ones. The type that had big climbing frames and swings in the gardens,those with an adjacent Charlie Chalk play centre, or the local pub that erecteda Bouncy Castle on Sunday afternoons.
My sister obviously remembers the places thatwere just pubs and grew to resent them. I apologised and tried to argue thather daughter had seemed to enjoy herself.
But I never took my niece to the pub again.


I don't know if I ever felt paternal but that moment may be seminal in mydecision not to have kids. My dad was never willing to sacrifice his wants andsocial life for his children; never willing to drive us to the variousextra-curricular activities, that could have helped us thrive, over his own pubbased plans. I would have been the same. I knew that. I didn't have children sothat I wouldn't have to make the sacrifices that he was unwilling to. My dadhad 3 children who grew up to resent him for the missed opportunities.

Pubs and their many variants - brewery taprooms and the such - are a space thatcan be open to all. I'm happy with them to be used by families. When I met myfriend's child for the first time last year, the first thing that we did was goto the local taproom with them. However, we paused at the door to ask if theywere allowed to come in first. This just seems normal. We're two adultscatching up over some beers and never have to wonder whether we are actuallyeligible to enter somewhere. But it is different this time and so the questionis worth asking.

If they had said no then we wouldn't have been outraged. If they had said thatthey could only be in the ample outside area then it would have felt areasonable rule. Instead, we were allowed in the main tap area to enjoy ourcatch up, always checking on the happiness of the mostly sleeping child withus.

I'm not a parent and so my experience is limited. Dogs are certainly notchildren but the similarity is in my approach to taking them to pubs and taps."Are dogs okay to come in?" I'll often shout from the doorway towardsthe bar. "Only if they stay on the non-carpeted area" came theresponse in a newly refurbished Robinson's local pub recently. A completelyfair decision. Sometimes I grow tired of having carpets made up entirely of doghair too.

I've never heard the "no" so I don't have anecdotal evidence of myactual response if I was to be refused. Would I be surprised? Possibly. Would Igo on a social media rant about how all dogs are brilliantly behaved and,anyway, sometimes humans rub their wet bellies and shed their hair all over pubfloors too and you should make your space welcome to all and you should havedog toys and biscuits to keep them entertained and my dog has never so much asshit in the house and I just took my eye off them for one minute?

Well no. I'm not a mug.

Then there are the spaces that are dog friendly. They encourage dogs. They lovedogs. But they'll mostly still insist that they are kept on their leads andwell behaved at all times. At no point have I dismissed this as nanny-stating."My dog is fine so I'm going to let him wander around leadless and bark atother dogs. I just want my pint and to talk to my friends. They won't do anyharm and I will not be governed by the owners of this business implementingpolite rules to keep their other customers happy and staff safe."

It doesn't happen. My cheeks at both ends melt into themselves when he so muchas barks in a public drinking space. He's my responsibility and it is entirelyon me to stop him acting up. Not everybody likes dogs and not everybody wantstheir afternoon or evening disturbed by extra noise or attention that theydidn't come for. I respect that. I'd be a dreadful human being if I didn't.

And so both sides do what they can to enjoy the space in different ways withoutinterference. It is a silent rule but one that helps make society better.



There's no part of me that can't expect respect. It is fundamental to my life.It is Wittgenstein-esque to me when others feel different. You are saying wordsthat I don't understand.

If my favourite pub announced tomorrow that all dogs were banned, citing thatrepeated respect of the rules were broken, I'd ask why. If it transpired thatthey were being let of leads, running around the cellar, chewing wires orrunning amok in the private land of the neighbours then I'd completelyunderstand. Some idiots have ruined it for everybody but entire exclusion wouldbe the last resort choice. It must have been a repetitive occurrence for aplace to take this stand and I'd accept that. I would be simply shocked by theselfish behaviour of other adult humans.
Dogs are not children. But, as the internetworks the way that it does, I really need to point out that I’m not actuallytalking about dogs.

I've spent a lot of time with friend's kids in pubs, bars, taprooms etc.They've never been any bother. They've enjoyed the time with their parents.Some I have seen grow from toddlers into really social teenagers through this.It can happen and it fills me with joy to see the parental bonds formed.Welcoming children into the adult world isn't a bad thing.

It worked for me as I developed my love of pubs through it. Howeversometimes I think of the opposite adverse effect that it had on my sister andwonder how much of that is considered by some parents.

But more than anything I wonder why it has to be a topic of conversation atall; one that crops up every other year. It is made possible by those piping upat every one of these discussions to tell you that "adults are much worsebehaved than children in my experience" rather than consider the situationsthat have led us here.

This topic is never parents versus the child-free, no matter how much peopletry to make it so. As long as we are all willing to take responsibility forthose that we should be responsible for then we'd all get along just great.Leads for children are optional.








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