Things not too say when Drunk

[trainman]

"Rattle your bottles in Rollox's yard..."

[Conrad]

"Rattle your bottles in Rollox's yard..."

I think most days I would struggle to say that sober.

[RogerB]

Trainman will like this one...

A couple of years back I had a day off and did a lengthy pub crawl around St Albans but needed to get back in time for a cup replay with Man City. At half time we were 3-0 up and City down to 10 men. Still extremely worse for wear I joyously and drunkenly phoned a mate who hates Spurs and left a long sprawling and largely unintelligible load of drivel on his answerphone along the lines of how great Spurs were. To our utter dismay and shock City came back in the second half and won 4-3. I had left myself open to one almighty slice of humble pie but surprisingly, my mate never returned the call and never mentioned anything whenever I saw him. A couple of months later I was with a different friend who started talking about some garbled message that he found on his answerphone. I said nothing. My 2 mates were named Alan and Andy and were both next to each other in my phone. Luckily I was so drunk I had hit the wrong number!

[Maldenman]

I once texted the family hairdresser (Nicky) to tell my mate (Nick) that we were 0-0 at half time away at Luton.

[RogerB]

I once texted the family hairdresser (Nicky) to tell my mate (Nick) that we were 0-0 at half time away at Luton.

There's a Barnet joke in there somewhere.

[Conrad]

I once asked a friends Mother if she was up for a drink that night, I was slightly embarrassed when she informed me she should probably get her daughter.

And I have done the inevitable of sending someone an email bitching about them (when they do an email package that stops that it will make a bomb). Thinking about it I also sent an embarrassing personal email to my default printer which was 100 miles away at the time when I was with that company as well.

The sorry end to this tale is that alcohol cannot be blamed for any of these.

[Maldenman]

Delivering a portion of chips slathered in vinegar to a sleeping girlfriend at around 12 :30 am doesn't tend to get you in the good books I've found. At least it wasn't a kebab.

[Andy Ven]

Asking for a pint of Whitbread's Tankard if you are prone to Spoonerisms......

[oldboots]

On Wednesday night my wife said to me, "when we go down to Hampshire in September can we see...." I was totally confused here because I didn't remember anything about us going to Hampshire so I thought she was just being female so replied with a perfectly reasonable

"When did you decide we were going there?"

"When did I decide, I said why don't we go and you said yes, you seemed very keen on it the other day".

"Oh" said I, "was I drunk at the time?", "well you even agreed to see your brother's Mother in law"

"Ah" says I, "I wasn't drunk I was temporarily mad"

I can only surmize this was on Saturday night after some intensive research in York's finest pubs.

She appeared to confirm this later by saying "you seem to be drinking a lot lately"

[trainman]

Trainman will like this one...

Certainly did! Also a famous game for Jonny Macken actually scoring (our 4th). You got lucky with the wrong number!
One of my Manc pals, down here for a match, once asked if I'd enjoyed the singing they'd left on my home phone from the pub the previous night - I didn't have an answer-phone at the time!

I once asked a friends Mother if she was up for a drink that night, I was slightly embarrassed when she informed me she should probably get her daughter.

Good job you were only asking about a drink!

Delivering a portion of chips slathered in vinegar

Slathered! Top word!