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Thread: The Buffalo Theory and Beer.

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    This Space For Hire aleandhearty's Avatar
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    Default The Buffalo Theory and Beer.

    I don't know how old this is, but I saw this in our local 'pub scene' magazine and it made me laugh.

    THE BUFFALO THEORY:

    A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

    In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
    In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
    That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers and that's why beer is so good for you!

    'And where he supped the past lived still. And where he sipped the glass brimmed full' John Barleycorn, Carol Ann Duffy.

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    That is a good one, and very true.

    Does remind me of this classic Billy Connolly sketch:
    [youtube]6ayxPMw3ckU[/youtube]

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    Pussy Galore No 1 Oggwyn Trench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aleandhearty View Post
    I don't know how old this is, but I saw this in our local 'pub scene' magazine and it made me laugh.

    THE BUFFALO THEORY:

    A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

    In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
    In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
    That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers and that's why beer is so good for you!

    It also makes you incredibly attractive to woman

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    Old & Bitter oldboots's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oggwyn Trench View Post
    It also makes you incredibly attractive to woman
    Sadly I can never get them to drink enough to make me attractive, they even beat me off with their white sticks

    Tell us, now, how and when
    We may find the bravest men?
    A sure test, an easy test:
    Those that drink beer are the best

  5. #5
    Pussy Galore No 1 Oggwyn Trench's Avatar
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    Heard this one on the radio today

    God gave men a brain and a penis , but not enough blood to operate both at the same time

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    Old & Bitter oldboots's Avatar
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    Okay try this

    A German guy approaches a prostitute.

    "I vish to buy sex viz you."

    "OK," says the girl, "I charge 20 an hour."

    "..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."

    "No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do little kinky."

    So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large

    bedsprings and a duck caller.

    "I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees."

    The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he

    had said, to her hands and knees.

    "Now you vill get on your hans und knees."

    She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.

    "You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you."

    She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.)

    She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by

    the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.

    The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it

    is several minutes before she has enough breath to say,

    "That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?"

    "Ah," says the German . . ."zat is ze........ Four-sprung Duck

    Technique


    And the beer connection? "Kwak" is a nice strong Belgian beer (12%....nice)

    Tell us, now, how and when
    We may find the bravest men?
    A sure test, an easy test:
    Those that drink beer are the best

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    This Space For Hire aleandhearty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Conrad View Post
    Does remind me of this classic Billy Connolly sketch:
    Having finally got some sound back on my lap-top...Classic Connolly. I'd seen it before, but so long ago I'd forgotten the punchline!
    'And where he supped the past lived still. And where he sipped the glass brimmed full' John Barleycorn, Carol Ann Duffy.

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    This Space For Hire arwkrite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oggwyn Trench View Post
    It also makes you incredibly attractive to woman
    I do know it makes women more attractive to ones minds eye. Believe me, its happened enough in my case.Sobriety brings on a nasty case of aftershock the next morning.Mind you I am not saying that my female companions felt any different.

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    Since this appears to be the joke thread, one I received today.

    Scottish Advent Calendar
    Attached Images Attached Images

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    Official PG MILD tester Soup Dragon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by arwkrite View Post
    I do know it makes women more attractive to ones minds eye. Believe me, its happened enough in my case.Sobriety brings on a nasty case of aftershock the next morning.Mind you I am not saying that my female companions felt any different.
    As Shakespeare says, via the Porter in Mcbeth

    "It [beer] promotes the urge, but takes away the performance"

    so the lesson is - cover yourself - ALWAYS claim you were on the pop the night before
    MILD:

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