According to the Publican's Morning Advertiser's former features editor, Matthew Moggridge:
The list is as follows:
1. Mammoth-like Alsatians barking on the roof
2. Foil ashtrays
3. Punched-in toilet doors
4. Toilet chains without a handle
5. Public bars charging less per pint than in the saloon bar
6. Sawdust on the floor
7. Formica-topped tables
8. Bar billiards
9. Missing locks on toilet cubicle doors
10. Light and bitter
11. ‘Character’ landlords
12. Cribbage
13. Men in gravy-stained suits nursing a pint, a whisky chaser and the Racing Post
14. Seafood salesmen
15. Solitary crusty liver sausage roll on the bar under a plastic lid
16. ‘Saucy’ toilet doors — a nut on the ladies’ loos and a screw on the gents
17. Gambling, normally three-card brag
18. People who resemble either pirates or those old illustrations of Guido Fawkes
19. Celebrity lookalikes — Matt’s local had Fred Astaire (as he looked in the disaster movies) John Wayne and Malcolm Allison
20. Off-licences attached to pubs
21. Banned customers arguing with the landlord, presumably with a view to being reinstated
22. ‘Pavement pizza’ in the pub ‘garden’
23. Being asked, ‘straight glass or a jug?’
24. Hearing somebody else ask the barman: “B&M, 20 Dilly and a box of logs” (or, in English, brown and mild, 20 Piccadilly and a box
of matches).
25. Beer mats and people ‘flicking’ them off the table and catching them
26. A building brick on the bar with a pile of Swan Vestas on top.
Waes hael!
Hmmm. This list is very interesting and generally quite true. Having said that the pub I was in last night had numbers 12 and 25 present. This could start a quite interesting exercise to try and find the pub with the most items from the list still there. Any advance on 2 anyone ??
Yes Two pubs I was in the weekend had the following as mentioned in other thread.
Pub one
3 & 4 & 13 & 17
Pub Two
3 & 9 & 14 & 21 & 22
Must be the rough old boozers I tend to go in.
Don't You just hate Pubs that say
( We don't stock any Real Ales as theres Just no call for it.)
The Sir Loin Of Beef for number 16. But they are really works of art in themselves
I drink to make others more interesting
Things you do see in pubs now but shouldn't:
1: Children.
2: Tables laid up for eating.
3: Sofas you can't get up out of and position you with someone's crotch in your direct eye line.
4: Panini at twice the price a normal sandwich was.
5: Cocktail lists, especially when the bar staff are clueless how to make them
6: Bar staff clueless about everything including intelligible English.
7: Vastly expensive packets of "gourmet" crisps in place of proper greasy salty ones.
8: Bottles of Mexican beer with bits of lime it.
9: London Pride, if it's the only real ale and we're outside the M25.
10: Machines dispensing vast mugs hot milk with just a vague flavour of coffee.
11: A selection of near identical summer (or winter) ales to the exclusion of anything else.
12: A selection of pissed-up old blokes drinking £1.49 GK IPA and annoying everyone else.
any more....
13: Ask for a bag of salted peanuts then get a large glass with enough nuts in to feed the Five Thousand.
14. Table and chairs where you need a ladder to get to the chair.
15. Fancy loo roll holders but all loo rolls running loose.
Last edited by gillhalfpint; 03-07-2012 at 14:29.
Alcohol doesn't solve problems .... but then again, neither does milk.