Things you've overheard in a pub

[Strongers]

Pub in Eastbourne.

Guy 1 "Lofty died"
Guy 2 "who's Lofty?"
Guy 1 "that tall bloke who drinks in here"
Guy 2 "oh that Lofty, ain't seen him for ages. How is he?"
Guy 1 says "he's dead" before walking to toilet shaking his head.
Guy 3 "who's Lofty"
Guy 2 "f*ck knows"

[Oggwyn Trench]

Having a beer on called Ball Relief brought out the child in everyone last night

Customer " can i have Ball Relief "

Barman " Sorry Sir its not that sort of pub "

[ROBCamra]

Having a beer on called Ball Relief brought out the child in everyone last night

Customer " can i have Ball Relief "

Barman " Sorry Sir its not that sort of pub "

Similar childish fun when Green Duck, Duck Blonde was on the bar.

e.g. Can I have a duck please, Becky?

Hang on, John wants one too, can he have a duck as well?

[Millay]

Similar childish fun when Green Duck, Duck Blonde was on the bar.

e.g. Can I have a duck please, Becky?

Hang on, John wants one too, can he have a duck as well?

And my favourite Brewdog beer is another one. "Is the Trashy Blonde on tonight"? , "No, she only works weekends".

[Mobyduck]

And my favourite Brewdog beer is another one. "Is the Trashy Blonde on tonight"? , "No, she only works weekends".

So are we talking about something for the weekend sir ?

[Farway]

This lunchtime, young, loud, bloke at bar talking to fellow drinker

YLB - I went to Royal Ascot last week, fully suited & booted with mates

FD - mmmm

YLB - Someone said I will only give you one tip, put it on number xxx in the xxx

FD -mmmm

YLB - It was 14 to 1, most put £100 on, made over £1K each

FD - mmmm

Me - under breath, f***k, wish I had known

[Oggwyn Trench]

Two well spoken middle aged blokes in the Station last night , asked Liz the barmaid for a pen and paper , and started doing some working out

" OK the first round was £4.60 , i brought that , you brought the second £4.50 , the third was mine £4.80 then you got another £4.50 , the next one was mine at £5.60 and this one is £5.30 , i reckon you owe me 70p "


And a bit later in the Crown , a couple of engineer types

" If the poles too stiff the crack will distort and get too wet "

[Millay]

A guy who specifically asked the barstaff which screen the F1 was going to be on has just said to his mate "so which country is this coming from then, where's Silverstone". Then followed it up with "Does the one that won the last race start first in this one". It sounds like he has an Irish accent .

[Mobyduck]

Chatting to an occasional regular in my local recently, "Big Reg" . A likeable chap and always got a joke or story to have a laugh about,he can also drink for England ,but that's another story. The problem with Reg is he can get a bit loud and his laugh resembles a jackhammer,only earwax shatteringly louder. He always laughs at his jokes and when he's had a few,which is nearly every time I see him ,he will tell the joke several times over the course of the night,the decibels go up each time.Anyway on this occasion he told me what happened to him while having a drink one evening in a pub in Farnham,he was stood in the bar with a couple of friends no doubt telling a couple of jokes with the obvious consenquence's when they were ejected from the pub,asking for an explanation he was told your laughing too loud. He later told me he wouldn't have minded but it was happy hour. Barred for being happy in happy hour,you couldn't make it up. I'm not sure if he did or not but I can well believe its true.

[Millay]

In the fairly upmarket Cafe Solo in Gibraltar, "Do you want anything at Morrisons, should I get a four pack of pot noodles?". You can take the Chav out of Liverpool but .........