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Thread: Things you've overheard in a pub

  1. #21
    In Search of Ebriety Millay's Avatar
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    Just now, "If it was malaria you'd know by now". Rather worryingly it was two guys coming out of the Gents
    I've just joined Alcoholics Anonymous - I still drink, just under a different name.

  2. #22
    This Space For Hire AlanH's Avatar
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    Two of the old locals in an ex keg Whitbread house (The Brigadier) that had just been bought by Holts.
    1st man "What do you think of the new ale?"

    2nd man (slowly thinking) "I don't know......it tastes sort of........Beery!

  3. #23
    Pussy Galore No 1 Oggwyn Trench's Avatar
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    Two well young ladies

    1st" How come your on lager , not cider like normal "

    2nd "its not as strong , i am pregnant !"
    Theres a Man with a Mullet going Mad with a Mallet in Millets !

  4. #24
    I'll stay on me own
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    I did'nt overhear this in a pub but was told to my face.
    Me and a mate were trying to do all the pubs in Ramsgate and were in the Nodding Donkey we asked the chap behind the bar "how many pubs are there in Ramsgate" before he could reply a local butted in and said "there are over a Thousand pubs in Ramsgate" we creased up laughing.

  5. #25
    Roving RAT ROBCamra's Avatar
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    Three blokes talking in the pub, one of whom was in a wheelchair.

    The guy in the chair says "The doctor thinks I might have diabetes"

    One of his mates says "That affects your feet and legs doesn't it?"

    Chair guy says " I haven't got any f**king legs have I"

    So his mate says "Well you can't have diabetes then can you"

    I'm not sure they have this medical condition fully sussed yet.
    A pub is for life not just for Christmas

  6. #26
    Official PG MILD tester Soup Dragon's Avatar
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    A place in Leeds (i think the Scarboro').

    In Yorkshire accents -

    Girl 1: Well, Claire said......
    Girl 2: Who is Claire
    Girl 1: You know Claire - she likes it up the a**e, a lot apparently
    Girl 2: Ooh! That Claire

    Now i have heard a lot of ways to describe people, but that is a new one. I had to bite my finger to stop laughing out loud
    MILD:

  7. #27
    Still about Mobyduck's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Soup Dragon View Post
    A place in Leeds (i think the Scarboro').

    In Yorkshire accents -

    Girl 1: Well, Claire said......
    Girl 2: Who is Claire
    Girl 1: You know Claire - she likes it up the a**e, a lot apparently
    Girl 2: Ooh! That Claire

    Now i have heard a lot of ways to describe people, but that is a new one. I had to bite my finger to stop laughing out loud
    To quote Jones From Dads Army, "they don't like it up em.
    "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer."
    -W.C.Fields

  8. #28
    This Space For Hire Wittenden's Avatar
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    Spoken by a lady in a pub outside York who'd been commentating on our food order to her silent and long suffering husband: "Ham and pea soup, that's my worst nightmare."
    "At that moment I would have given a kingdom, not for champagne or hock and soda, or hot coffee but for a glass of beer" Marquess Curzon of Kedlestone, Viceroy of India.

  9. #29
    Waterborne Beer Inspector Bucking Fastard's Avatar
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    The scene..... a first time entry into the 2012 GBG somewhere in London,Friday night 10pm.

    BF "I think this pint is not quire right,unlike the others of this brew that I have been drinking all night"

    Barman (with a beard and Black Sheep sweat shirt) "If I had served you that in a tankard you wouldn't have noticed"

    BF "That is as maybe,but it doesn't look right to me "

    Barman " Well I nudged the barrel to see how much is left,but it has a "self levelling" devise,so it will clear in 10 minutes"

    BF "Mmm" and returns to seat with said dodgy pint to comtemplate his fate.

    7 minutes later with everyone staring at the undrunk pint and with the other bar staff starting to panic in case we are the CAMRA beer police (which we are not)

    Barman "How about something else......"

    Other bar staff quickly reverse pump clip.
    Last edited by Bucking Fastard; 23-06-2012 at 00:18.

  10. #30
    Official PG MILD tester Soup Dragon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bucking Fastard View Post
    The scene..... a first time entry into the 2012 GBG somewhere in London,Friday night 10pm.

    BF "I think this pint is not quire right,unlike the others of this brew that I have been drinking all night"

    Barman (with a beard and Black Sheep sweat shirt) "If I had served you that in a tankard you wouldn't have noticed"

    BF "That is as maybe,but it doesn't look right to me "

    Barman " Well I nudged the barrel to see how much is left,but it has a "self levelling" devise,so it will clear in 10 minutes"

    BF "Mmm" and returns to seat with said dodgy pint to comtemplate his fate.

    7 minutes later with everyone staring at the undrunk pint and with the other bar staff starting to panic in case we are the CAMRA beer police (which we are not)

    Barman "How about something else......"

    Other bar staff quickly reverse pump clip.
    Hi Captain, that reminds me of an incident a few years back at a pub in Whitby.... it was a keg pub and we tried the Tetley Imperial there, which was really poor. I took it to the barmaid, who directed me to the gaffer..... it sort of went like this as memory serves

    SD: Hello, i think your Imperial is a little off... would you care to try it?
    Gaffer: (After sip) Tastes alright to me, i have been serving it all night and nobody has complained
    SD: (After a visiual scan around the room) With respect, there isn't anyone in
    Gaffer: With respect, they left before you arrived
    SD: I can't imagine why they left - but i bid you goodnight and feel free to finish the beer.
    MILD:

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