Epic Fail Journeys Home

Andy Ven suggested that I set my alarm to go off when nearing my train station after the crawl around the Black Country in October. This reminded me of an epic fail journey home that happened to me some years ago.

I’d enjoyed an evening out in Ealing with an old college friend and at the end of the night I decided to get the fast train to Paddington before continuing my journey back to home to Cricklewood. If memory serves me correctly the train journey was less than 10 minutes but I fell asleep and remained on the train when it turned around. I was awoken some time later by an engineer in Reading depot which is 50 odd miles away from where I was meant to be. I had to get a cab from the depot back to Reading train station (which was paid for by the train company) and then wait for over an hour for a train back to London. I then had to get a cab from Paddington to Cricklewood and I got home at 3am to receive my ear bashing by the misses I had at the time.

Any other interesting journeys home?

Back in the 80s I worked for Merton Council in Morden where there was a staff bar.It was customary to go in for a few on a Friday after work, they often had a band on or some other entertainment. It often resulted in the last train home, I lived in West London at the time. One night after a serious night on the beer I caught the last Northern Line tube from Morden waking some time later at High Barnet, the furthermost extremity of the line, having travelled a huge distance. On enquiring what time the next train back was I was informed 6am.Somehow, the Gods of the drunk managed to get me back safely to Shepherds Bush, bet I couldn't do it now.

Trumping that however I once worked on site in Liverpool while based in Manchester. After a few Christmas drinks myself and colleague joined the train at Lime Street to head home, me leaving at Mcr Victoria which I succesfully achieved , my mate heading a few minutes on to Stalybridge. He awoke at 9pm, Christmas Eve, in Darlington, no trains back.His then, soon to be ex, girlfriend had to drive up to get him back, top man.!

Years ago in the 70s I agreed to meet up with my Wirral based friend in Crewe to do a Nantwich and Crewe crawl. I got the milk train back to Euston and my mate got (I think) the Irish Mail towards Chester.

I got back to London OK, but my mate woke up crossing Anglesey. He had to hitch-hike back to Chester!!

I heard an account of someone who lived in Stevenage and who awoke in Darlington.

As for me the best I can offer is waking up on the upper deck of a bus in Tottenham Bus Garage and at Broad Street Station where I had to limbo dance underneath the locked gates.

Coming home from a all day Bedford Beer festival bash around 15 years ago I got on train at Bedford that was going to Kings Cross Thames Link as it was at the time. Must have fallen asleep as I got woken up by the guard tipping out in Brighton at around midnight. :eek: No trains back till the next morning as last one had left did I get a ear bashing off the wife when I got home next day.

When I was studying in Aberystwyth I was on the last train back and fell asleep. As I awoke I was calmed by the arrival into Borth station. One more stop then.. But then, I wondered where all the other passengers were?! It turned out the train had been into Aberystwyth and was now coming into Borth the wrong way before going into sidings for the night in Machynlleth. I quickly bolted somehow getting off just in time..still an expensive taxi back for me then.

Another time I got stranded in Manchester Piccadilly after the last train back to Leeds. (I didn't realise they were going from Victoria that night!) After sleeping on the station until around 6:30am I got the first TransPennine back, then promptly fell asleep through Leeds and woke in York. I got home around 9am.

Oh and the time I got a train from Hull after the rugby back to Leeds, and the next thing I know I'm going north to Edinburgh. Still have no clue how or where I changed trains for that one...

A day trip from Edinburgh to Doncaster races went a little bit askew. On arrival at Doncaster train station for the journey back i was :drinkup::bemerry::cheers::confused: the situation was not helped by delays on the line that meant a stream of unintelligible announcements about platform changes and expected times of arrival. I boarded what i thought was the train to Edinburgh (didn't bother looking for my reserved seat which would have alerted me to being on wrong train) and sat on the nearest empty seat and fell asleep probably before even leaving the platform. I awoke as the train was pulling into a dead end platform with no other passengers on the train to this day I've no idea what station it was but a train on the next platform was about to depart for Leeds which seemed a better option than wherever i was. On arrival at Leeds i managed to get a train to York on arrival at York the last direct train to Edinburgh had left but i got a train to Newcastle on arrival at Newcastle i got digs and then travelled back to Edinburgh on the sunday. Newcastle brings back memories from many many years ago when a day trip to Newcastle races resulted in a night spent in Newcastle city centre police cells and a journey home the following day.:o

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Originally Posted by Spinko

When I was studying in Aberystwyth I was on the last train back and fell asleep. As I awoke I was calmed by the arrival into Borth station. One more stop then.. But then, I wondered where all the other passengers were?! It turned out the train had been into Aberystwyth and was now coming into Borth the wrong way before going into sidings for the night in Machynlleth. I quickly bolted somehow getting off just in time..still an expensive taxi back for me then.

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Yes I remember that, I think it was on the way back from Welshpool after an Aber game. I think you can blame Tom and the Twinnies for your predicament as I recall there were a number of us on that trip...

I have a remarkably good homing instinct that remains relatively unaffected by ale and have got myself out of several potentially sticky situations with minimal fuss, so sadly no tales to tell. The worst things I've done are get on the wrong-terminus tube and delayed myself for 20 minutes Boring! :p I think a lot of it is down to being early for a departure that allows 10 beer minutes for rectification of errors. Dull, but effective.

On the all night bus from Manchester to Sale, my friend and I have several times fell asleep until the Altrincham terminus and had a three mile walk home, but when he joined the RAF he bettered this!

He would get the last train from Paddington to his camp in Swindon, but be woken up by a guard at Swansea. This meant sleeping on the station and getting the first train back the next day. This would be OK as a one off, but it happened nearly every time he did the trip. He could "sleep on a clothes line" and I don't think even an alarm would have woken him after a few beers. I told him he would have to have a sign round his neck saying "Please wake me at Swindon!"
Some people never learn:D :bemerry: :nishelypished:

Returning home late one Saturday after a few post match pints in St Albans, a young girl got on the Thameslink at Tulse Hill or somewhere and asked me to wake her at Wimbledon if she fell asleep. No problem I said cheerily, the next thing I knew she was shaking me awake saying we're at Wimbledon!

Quite a while ago we went on a stag do to Hackney dogs morning meeting starting from Manchester, with lots of beer during & after.

Everything went well until the trip home. Myself and a couple of mates got the train home via Stockport as a couple were getting off there. The Stag, Kal and a couple more mates went back on the train via Wilmslow & Crewe/Stafford as they lived there. Kal lived in Wilmslow.

We had no problem and got home easily. Kal was the last off the Wilmslow train which probably wasn’t a good idea in retrospect. His mates got off at Stafford and Kal promptly fell asleep and woke up in Piccadilly.

As luck would have it there was a train departing for London via Wilmslow about 5 minutes later. He fell asleep & woke up in Crewe.

Luckily he was directed to a northbound train to Piccadilly via Wilmslow leaving almost immediately. He woke up in Piccadilly again.

At this point his luck & trains ran out and he had to get a taxi home about 4 hours late. :D

I have had quite a few mishaps while doing my pub crawls.

I did a good crawl round Hertford caught the train back to liverpool street and when i woke up i was at a station called Ponders End so i had a quick drink in the pub then caught the train back to liverpool street,i made my way to St Pancrass for the train back to Nottingham but i was an hour late and my ticket was a advanced one and the jobsworth women checking tickets said i would have to buy a new one which was far too much for my budget.
Not to be beaten i walked along the concourse and found a platform with no barrier i then walked to the end of the platform and decided to go across the tracks to reach the Nottingham train all went well untill the last track,i tripped and fell in front of the train i wanted and banged my head,but i managed to crawl to the platform edge and clamber up,i then got on the train and locked myself in the toilets,i thought i would get found out but i managed to get back for no extra cost.

Some of these stories should be posted on www.railforums.co.uk and watch the forumers over there get apoplectic...

Not too many disasters considering my regular consumption levels. I do remember waking up on the train at Rochester which is about half an hour down the line. I naturally jumped off the train post haste and then after the doors shut realised that it was actually the train I needed to get home. It had been down the end of the line with me on it, turned round and was heading back to London.

Like Roger I'm a bit bemused I haven't had more epic fails, getting lost in Nottingham with A&H after the PuG crawl doesn't really count. My beer compass usually works as well.

I have quite often woken up on the bus just before it turns round to go back the way it came, but never actually slept through and God forbid woken up back in Leeds. My worst ever was many years ago when I lived in Basingstoke :eek: and had been to a wedding reception in Southampton. I just made the last train back and promptly fell asleep but it was ok I woke up in Eastleigh, Winchester and Micheldever. Sadly the next time I woke up was in Woking, late Saturday night with no more trains anywhere until about 9am on Sunday. I just missed asking to get on a southbound goods train so decided to kip at the station. That didn't work so I wandered off looking for somewhere to sleep rough. That didn't work out either so I gave in and eventually found a taxi. Some hours and £35 later I was back home. I have slept rough after a night on the sauce but that was half planned, under the pier on Brighton Beach after the GBBF one year, and Portsmouth ferry terminal after a Pompey beer festival being particularly memorable. The only problem with the ferry terminal was kind people waking us up every time a ferry was about to leave in case we missed it.

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Originally Posted by oldboots

I have slept rough after a night on the sauce but that was half planned, under the pier on Brighton Beach

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Ah a man after my own heart, I missed last train from Brighton to Pompey, spent the night sleeping behind the deckchairs on Brighton beach, woken by the police shining torch in my eyes in the early hours, but presumably because I was in uniform, and at the time on HMS Brighton with cap tally showing same nothing happened and I was allowed to sleep on

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Originally Posted by Farway

Ah a man after my own heart, I missed last train from Brighton to Pompey, spent the night sleeping behind the deckchairs on Brighton beach, woken by the police shining torch in my eyes in the early hours, but presumably because I was in uniform, and at the time on HMS Brighton with cap tally showing same nothing happened and I was allowed to sleep on

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I got lost and missed the last train from Brighton to Eastbourne a few months ago and it cost me £60 for a cab home. This was £20 dearer than the cab I had to get home from Hastings two weeks later after falling asleep in the train.

Many years ago I went to a formal dinner in London, ended up in a night club (after a pub crawl) and missed the last train back to Gillingham. I got the 5AM milk train, slept past Gillingham and woke up in Sittingbourne. Still out of it slightly, I jumped on the next train going the other way, and woke up in Sheerness, so had to stay on the train until it went back tp Sittingbourne to catch the next train back to Gillingham. Wearing black tie on Sheerness Docks and a London-bound commuter train in the early hours really makes you look out of place, believe me.

Many years ago when I was still living in Ireland,I'd spent a week drinking,train cranking and shagging in Bristol. The overnight ferry from Fishguard to Rosslare back was about a day and a half late so a good session was had on the ship with a gang of Welsh rugby players and I cadged a lift on their tour bus for the last 60 miles on the other side. Into the pub in my home town for more and about 6pm I was starting to flag. Bus time,pay the man and get on. The bus goes to the bus station on the way though,the driver gets off............. Next thing is I'm still in the bus station and the same driver is getting back on !!!!!!! 2 and a half hours and 3 full circles of the town later !!!!!!!

Refreshed (as you can imagine!) I played the game and got off the bus and went back to the pub for more. Only slight snag was that the welsh blokes were still there and they'd seen me going past the window of the pub on the bus the three times asleep !!!!!!!!

Maybe this topic should be rebranded as "The Thread Of Shame".

There have been many occasions I've been unable to remember the journey home over the years,but I've always been there in the morning albiet in varying states of disrepair. So it must be Epic success journeys home.:whistle:

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Originally Posted by Mobyduck

but I've always been there in the morning albiet in varying states of disrepair.

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That is due to the invisible drunken gorilla that follows you home, chucks your neatly folded clothes on the floor, maybe leaves fridge door open & dirty plates /curry containers on the side, perhaps wees a bit on toilet floor, possibly farts in your sweet smelling bed and finally breathes foul noxious gases into your mouth before departing

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Originally Posted by Farway

That is due to the invisible drunken gorilla that follows you home, chucks your neatly folded clothes on the floor, maybe leaves fridge door open & dirty plates /curry containers on the side, perhaps wees a bit on toilet floor, possibly farts in your sweet smelling bed and finally breathes foul noxious gases into your mouth before departing

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You forgot about him empting your wallet, the thieving git:rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by oldboots

You forgot about him empting your wallet, the thieving git:rolleyes:

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Oh That's where it all went then.