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03-03-2011, 10:30
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Unfortunately there are pubs around that are not rough pubs. These types of pubs think they can tell me what to wear and think they are doing people a favour by allowing people in to spend their own hard earned money.

My employer has a right to tell me what to wear on the basis of paying me a not ungenerous annual stipend for my services. I don’t particularly want to wear a whistle and flute (http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/409800.html) but am willing to do so for the financial generosity of paying me to do not a lot and giving me a desk with the internet on. If he asked me to wear a gimp mask I would decline and seek employment elsewhere or at least ask for a pay rise. My lady squeeze sort of gets to strongly suggest what I wear on the basis I am having sex with her on a regular basis. She happens to be a lady of taste and I don’t mind not wearing the same tatty t-shirt & tracksuit bottoms all weekend and instead adopting a more metro sexual smartish look if it makes her happy.

However, if I wish to wear a football shirt or a hat in my own time I will do so. As it happens I don’t, but I don’t wish to be told that I can’t wear what I like by a publican. I don’t actually own a football shirt. I own a baseball cap. I don’t want to pay £40 for a nylon t-shirt advertising a betting company. I do want, in fact I demand, the right to buy one and wear one if I wish. If the urge ever strikes me I will. I will wear what the fuck I like on my day off.

As it happens I am not a scruffy bugger and frequent places that by and large are not full of other scruffy buggers, but I don’t wish to be told that I can’t be a scruffy bugger. I reserve the right to choose that for myself.

I may be over 21 but the legal drinking age is 18. By all means ask for ID and ask with a smile, but I no more wish to drink in a place that bars 18-21 year olds any more than I would wish to stay in a guest house that bars blacks, Irish or homosexuals. I’m not a member of those 3 groups either, but if that’s your policy you can stick my custom up your arse.

The ban on work wear is a peculiar one considering another sign advertises the place is ideal for business lunches. My work wear is a suit. Do they wish me to take that off if I go for a “business lunch”? Am I offended by the presence of a working man in overalls stood at the bar having a pint after work? Not at all, and I wouldn’t expect him to be offended by the sight of me in my cheap suit. The only people that offend me in pubs are bearded types telling me the pongy ale “is drinking well” when what I want is to sink an ice cold pint of fizz.

You might be unsurprised to find out I have never stepped foot in the boozer that puts that sign outside its premises. It is deeply unappealing. It doesn’t tell me the place is smart, it tells me the place is trying too hard, is restrictive and thinks it’s doing me a favour. It is a place trying to keep “the wrong sort” out. It’s like the Daily Mail set up their own pub just for Daily Mail readers. Well “the wrong sort” happen to be my fellow man. I mean, good god, the pub sells meals 2 for a tenner.

Thank freedom and democracy that publicans haven’t got a monopoly. Thank freedom and democracy for competition, whether from other pubs, restaurants, bars or supermarkets. Here’s to the freedom to see such signs and say “fuck that”

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