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13-04-2020, 15:24
Visit the Cooking Lager site (http://cookinglager.blogspot.com/2020/04/the-unified-theory-of-beer.html)
In the world of physics there has long been a search for what physicists refer to as the unified theory of everything. Most of physics can be boiled down to an equation or maths and the problem is the maths of very big things doesn't match up with the maths of very small things. The Einsteinian or even Newtonian laws we can observe here in the universe we perceive to be real doesn’t behave like the quantum world of subatomic particles. To get your head around this there are lots of books on Einstein and Quantum Mechanics, most of which will make your head spin. You might even think to yourself “that cannot be true, surely?” but there is a better explanation and it’s not in any book or in any BBC4 documentary. It is in a series of Nazi Zombie films called the “Outpost (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0892899/)” series. In the film Outpost a team of mercenaries led by their scientist recruiter go find an underground Nazi base in Poland where the Nazis were experimenting with unified field theory (you know, the Philadelphia Experiment (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philadelphia_Experiment)don’t ya?). This has resulted in all the Nazis turning into undead zombies, as you might expect. Rarely in these type of films do other outcomes occur. The film contains the best unified theory of everything when the scientist explains “Everything you think is real is just vibrations. Energy vibrating” He doesn’t get the chance to extrapolate on this much as the zombies are want to attack at various points in the narrative. But do you really need a better explanation that that? Sure, there is no graph or equations but really?
However, to be a serious scientific theory you need graphs and you need equations. That’s why Outpost is never shown on BBC4. So, I present my Unified Theory of Beer to you, here on this blog, with graphs and equations and no zombies. You only have to look at the Mudgie conundrum (http://pubcurmudgeon.blogspot.com/2020/04/mail-disorder.html) to realise a unified theory of beer is required. All those beer geeks pondering the grog and the prices and the postage prices and what a bottle of bitter is worth and all of this without an intellectual context to base any of it on. What’s needed is experts. And this is where the Cooking Lager institute of Graphs and Shit is here to save the day and apply some goddamn intellectual rigour to this!
Here is an intellectual context with which to frame the beer conundrum, whether that conundrum be bottles of bitter, cans of lager or even horrible murky craft filth. It’s all grog. Every bit of piss artistry you choose to chuck down your neck. All of it I tell ya.
So here is the graph that models The Unified Theory of Beer
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N9y_psX6T8E/XpRmrBgYBCI/AAAAAAAAA_g/kZ29koUxTawVqHMeEKx7TX9ufRu1R1mPACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/P1.png (https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N9y_psX6T8E/XpRmrBgYBCI/AAAAAAAAA_g/kZ29koUxTawVqHMeEKx7TX9ufRu1R1mPACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/P1.png)
It even has an equation. And this is it.
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3Zz_KMqhL3A/XpRmvReJ_YI/AAAAAAAAA_k/7T3dAlvu_5849pMF3_gFwBAEVuhTSq7wwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/P2.png (https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3Zz_KMqhL3A/XpRmvReJ_YI/AAAAAAAAA_k/7T3dAlvu_5849pMF3_gFwBAEVuhTSq7wwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/P2.png)
And if you’re still doubting, I’ve got the smackdown. The ace under the sleeve. The arc length of the curve. You can argue with a lot of things, but you can’t argue with the Arc length of a curve.
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--pv3mipij1Q/XpRmzWnYdaI/AAAAAAAAA_o/92YGAiP9bDcR8Kz3z7kMhiOKd479uTjuwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/P3.png (https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--pv3mipij1Q/XpRmzWnYdaI/AAAAAAAAA_o/92YGAiP9bDcR8Kz3z7kMhiOKd479uTjuwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/P3.png)
What this tells us is that initially for small increments in price over a base commodity product we can get defined and steep increases in quality. Look at how much higher a £1 grog is from a 50p grog. How much higher a £2 grog is from a £1 grog. You can get a smaller increase in overall quality if you go up to £3. But at every unit above that you are only getting smaller quality increments for every additional £. All of those additional £ could be additional units of 50p, £1 or £2 grog.
The world of beer is now as simple and defined as any one of the physical laws that govern our reality. You can take this theory and apply it to every purchase of the sauce that you make. You can try to argue with it but remember. It’s science and you can’t argue with science.
If you are going to argue, you need graphs (https://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=plot%5B%281-exp%28-t%29%29%2F%281%2Bexp%28-t%29%29%5D+from+0+to+6).
More... (http://cookinglager.blogspot.com/2020/04/the-unified-theory-of-beer.html)
In the world of physics there has long been a search for what physicists refer to as the unified theory of everything. Most of physics can be boiled down to an equation or maths and the problem is the maths of very big things doesn't match up with the maths of very small things. The Einsteinian or even Newtonian laws we can observe here in the universe we perceive to be real doesn’t behave like the quantum world of subatomic particles. To get your head around this there are lots of books on Einstein and Quantum Mechanics, most of which will make your head spin. You might even think to yourself “that cannot be true, surely?” but there is a better explanation and it’s not in any book or in any BBC4 documentary. It is in a series of Nazi Zombie films called the “Outpost (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0892899/)” series. In the film Outpost a team of mercenaries led by their scientist recruiter go find an underground Nazi base in Poland where the Nazis were experimenting with unified field theory (you know, the Philadelphia Experiment (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philadelphia_Experiment)don’t ya?). This has resulted in all the Nazis turning into undead zombies, as you might expect. Rarely in these type of films do other outcomes occur. The film contains the best unified theory of everything when the scientist explains “Everything you think is real is just vibrations. Energy vibrating” He doesn’t get the chance to extrapolate on this much as the zombies are want to attack at various points in the narrative. But do you really need a better explanation that that? Sure, there is no graph or equations but really?
However, to be a serious scientific theory you need graphs and you need equations. That’s why Outpost is never shown on BBC4. So, I present my Unified Theory of Beer to you, here on this blog, with graphs and equations and no zombies. You only have to look at the Mudgie conundrum (http://pubcurmudgeon.blogspot.com/2020/04/mail-disorder.html) to realise a unified theory of beer is required. All those beer geeks pondering the grog and the prices and the postage prices and what a bottle of bitter is worth and all of this without an intellectual context to base any of it on. What’s needed is experts. And this is where the Cooking Lager institute of Graphs and Shit is here to save the day and apply some goddamn intellectual rigour to this!
Here is an intellectual context with which to frame the beer conundrum, whether that conundrum be bottles of bitter, cans of lager or even horrible murky craft filth. It’s all grog. Every bit of piss artistry you choose to chuck down your neck. All of it I tell ya.
So here is the graph that models The Unified Theory of Beer
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N9y_psX6T8E/XpRmrBgYBCI/AAAAAAAAA_g/kZ29koUxTawVqHMeEKx7TX9ufRu1R1mPACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/P1.png (https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N9y_psX6T8E/XpRmrBgYBCI/AAAAAAAAA_g/kZ29koUxTawVqHMeEKx7TX9ufRu1R1mPACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/P1.png)
It even has an equation. And this is it.
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3Zz_KMqhL3A/XpRmvReJ_YI/AAAAAAAAA_k/7T3dAlvu_5849pMF3_gFwBAEVuhTSq7wwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/P2.png (https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3Zz_KMqhL3A/XpRmvReJ_YI/AAAAAAAAA_k/7T3dAlvu_5849pMF3_gFwBAEVuhTSq7wwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/P2.png)
And if you’re still doubting, I’ve got the smackdown. The ace under the sleeve. The arc length of the curve. You can argue with a lot of things, but you can’t argue with the Arc length of a curve.
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--pv3mipij1Q/XpRmzWnYdaI/AAAAAAAAA_o/92YGAiP9bDcR8Kz3z7kMhiOKd479uTjuwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/P3.png (https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--pv3mipij1Q/XpRmzWnYdaI/AAAAAAAAA_o/92YGAiP9bDcR8Kz3z7kMhiOKd479uTjuwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/P3.png)
What this tells us is that initially for small increments in price over a base commodity product we can get defined and steep increases in quality. Look at how much higher a £1 grog is from a 50p grog. How much higher a £2 grog is from a £1 grog. You can get a smaller increase in overall quality if you go up to £3. But at every unit above that you are only getting smaller quality increments for every additional £. All of those additional £ could be additional units of 50p, £1 or £2 grog.
The world of beer is now as simple and defined as any one of the physical laws that govern our reality. You can take this theory and apply it to every purchase of the sauce that you make. You can try to argue with it but remember. It’s science and you can’t argue with science.
If you are going to argue, you need graphs (https://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=plot%5B%281-exp%28-t%29%29%2F%281%2Bexp%28-t%29%29%5D+from+0+to+6).
More... (http://cookinglager.blogspot.com/2020/04/the-unified-theory-of-beer.html)