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18-05-2013, 14:31
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A simple guide, now that I'm out of the pub trade and can say these without them being misconstrued on any local business. Just my thoughts as a local...

1) Roads are for cars. Not pedestrians. Walk on the pavements, same as you do when you're at home. You'll understand this a bit more in a minute.

2) Expect to wait. Food in pubs around here can take roughly 20 minutes to come out normally - none of the pubs do microwaved crap, but proper home-made food. When 40 meals have been ordered before yours, don't expect it out within 10 minutes. Definitely don't tell the staff you've got a show to go to and expect this to magically make your food hot quicker. It won't. Refer to #1 - that car you were holding up by not walking on the pavement? That was the shopkeeper/chef/guide. Now you see why holding them up will bite you on the arse.

3) Children. They are yours. Yours only. YOURS. You might be at a show you want to watch, or want to browse the shops, or a quiet pint. Don't expect other people (on the street, shop workers, waiters etc) to look after your children. Hell, put a sodding lead on them or strap them to your back if you have to. Little Timmy might run around your local Sainsbury's or Waitrose while you shop, but not in Hay!

4) Prices. Hay is bloody expensive all year round. Huge rent and rates are just two reasons why. Don't moan, and sure as hell don't make a sarcastic quip to the staff when you have to pay. We all pay these prices all year round. The staff have heard it before. 100 times. They can't change the price, they don't set them. They are just doing their job.

5) Be polite. Something like 100 000 people visit Hay in 10 days, less than 2000 people live here all year. That's a huge influx of people, and the vast majority of people who live here are lovely and enjoy festival and all it brings. Those in the service industry especially work amazingly hard over those 10 days, and the odd thank-you and smile makes all the difference, it can literally brighten up someone's day.

6) This isn't the same as home. We love that we don't have a massive supermarket on the doorstep, that we get our meat from the butcher, veg from the greengrocer and ale in the pub. But if you're particular loaf of bread or size of tomatoes aren't available, venting or stressing about it isn't going to solve anything.

7) Stupid questions - leave them in the hotel room. One I've heard in previous years is 'is the back garden in the same place'. If you've come in the front door, best bet is to head for the back door and look for the massive sodding green space. If nearly every table in the coffee shop is eating, don't ask 'do you serve food'. We've all done it - go on holiday and leave our brains at home, but take a second to think.

8) I've left the most important one until last. Enjoy yourself! Smile, relax and embrace Hay! It's a beautiful town, some great architecture, fantastic independent shops and people that really make it special. It can be a nightmare at festival when everywhere is busy, but if we all chill out, appreciate everything is going to take longer (car journey/served at the bar/walk to the site) and smile at each other it's such a better vibe. The worst festival was one where it rained nearly none stop, everyone was grumpy and nothing was good enough for everyone. Bring wellies. Bring bin bags. Wear them if necessary. Don't if not. Simple.

9) Buy me a pint...


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