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16-11-2012, 10:28
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Some years ago I came up with a list of bullet points that could be said to sum up the key themes of my Opening Times column (http://curmudgeoncolumns.blogspot.co.uk/).

Who let those bloody kids in here?
Never mind the quality, look at the number of handpumps
Electric meters deliver full measures and a consistent pint
This expanse of carpet used to be a wonderful little snug
Two pints bad, ten pints good
Chips with everything
The family have been brewing good beer on this site since 1842
I may dislike what you do, but I will defend your right to do it
Why are there no sodding beermats?Haven’t you got anything better to do, officer?

All should be pretty self-explanatory.
This dates back to around 2000, before the blanket smoking ban was even a cloud on the horizon – remember that it was not a Labour manifesto commitment even in the 2005 General Election campaign.
Nowadays, apart from that, I don’t think it’s very different, although either #8 needs to be replaced with a more specific “First they came for the smokers...” or that added as a separate point.

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